RHEUMATIZ

I gusss I'll never understand,
How Doctors lend that helping hand.
Whatever is wrong, it's my belief,
They'll find some way to give relief. 
Now for instance just take me,
I'm all stove up at fifty-three.
My muscles ache, my joints won't bend.
There's times I think I've reached the end,
I called on Doc in deep despair.
With visions of the crutch and chair,
I said "Look here it's plain to see,
There's no one suffers worse than me.
Do you suppose there's any hope,
To ease my pain with drugs and dope?
If these old joints resume their hurt,
I'll only need one more clean shirt."
Then when he'd put me through the quiz,
He said "You've got the Rheumatiz."
Says he "We'II take an X-ray,
And find out what the pictures say."
Then what he saw in those old joints,
Was sand and rock and shiny points.
The explanation that he gave,
"It looks like part of Crystal Cave."
Then the prescription that he wrote for me,
Said fifty pills Q.S.I.D.
And something else I couldn't read,
But the pharmacist knew just what I'd need.
So I limped home blue and downhearted,
Thought a fool and his money soon are parted.
But some one has to be the goat,
Probably his wife needs a new fur coat.
But I'll try these pills as I said I would,
Tho I've got my doubts if they're any good.
I awoke next day at the break of dawn,
Got out of bed and the hurt was gone.
These joints I bend without a cringe,
Like putting grease on a rusty hinge.
My thoughts towards Doc were pretty rough,
But he proved to me that he knew his stuff.
To me the way it now appears,
I'm better than I've been for years.
But there's still one thing I'd like to know,
How those little white pills knew where to go.

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